$148.35

And I'm spent (hahaha). Today I came home with a large plastic bag containing my Psych book, a (dashing, dare I say) white lab coat, some (sex-inspiring) lab goggles, and a bag of (probably stolen) nitrile gloves. I bought said gloves from the Campus Techworx store. I'd gotten a hot tip that they were cheaper there than the Chemstore (and also the Chemstore doesn't give reciepts). These gloves look alright, and are form fitted (although, not knowing my glove size, I opted for "medium"), but I'm sure they were stolen, or at least aquired suspiciously, because they came in a stapled shut Techworx shopping bag. I don't even know how many pairs are in this bag, all I know is that they're saving me money. Besides, if I run out, I can recycle. It's not like the cadavers are going to complain about my used gloves.
In other news, I spent the weekend in Stratford, and it was uneventful. I watched House with Ellen and Nora (or rather, tried to watch House as they talked through it incessantly) on Friday, then played video games with Wolfgang until the wee hours. On Saturday I took down Christmas decorations (I know, 4 months early! It's a disgrace), and played video games with Wolfgang until the wee hours. Right before I left his place we stumbled on some soft-core on channel 35. I'm not a man to watch porn with other men, but I filed it away for future reference. I was home and on the couch about half an hour later. It was then that I was provoked into a realization. Either I was seriously poorly acquianted with the values, goals, and demographics of soft-core pornography today, or this shit was just weird. I should add now that it was in Spanish, so god knows where it was actually from, but there were some odd things going on. So, here's what happened. While channel flipping with Andrew I say a really good looking, really naked girl on channel 35. This was a good thing. Upon getting to channel 35 at home, I was confused. It was clearly the same low-caliber Spanish soft-core that had been on before. But now there were two female characters judging a bum-firmness competition between a bunch of the male characters. What is happening here? Now I know things are different in other countries, but when did porn become a family affair? Seriously, I want to see a really hot naked gir. If necessary she can be discreetly riding another man, but men should never be the focus of porn, unless it's gay porn. I mean, do women even watch porn?
Well, that weirded me out a bit. Also the emphasis on "talking" instead of raunchy sex was beginning to bore me. I started watching Blade on City (Yes, I went to city to see if they were showing better soft-core), but I still flipped back to the Spanish on commercials. And that's when I found this little gem:
The Scene: A tall man (bald enough to Andre Agassi) in a hair salon (not a barbershop, that would have been weirder), alone with the barber (In this case a nice looking woman, rather than a portly but well-trimmed old man). There is a serious ammount of flirting going on (for all I know it was open preposition, poorly acted in Spanish, but flirting is what I got from the body language), but the barber manages to brush it off and get down to work. Not the work one would think of since it's a porno, but the work of shaving this man's head. The one on his shoulders. She does this with a straight (cut-throat) razor. Somehow, our protagonist (not me, the bald man) is finding this not just erotic, but downright orgasmic. She has to stop before she's done. They yammer on in Spanish for a while, and that's when it gets weird. Apparently this is now "shaving fetishist's hour" on 35, because the woman, calmly, sexily, lifts up her skirt...and then lathers and starts shaving herself with the same razor. We are talking about a 5-inch piece of razor(obviously)-sharp steel, and she's dragging this around her cooch, as foreplay. What is happening here? Am I missing something? I would have stayed to see how it turned out, but then she started fellating the man, and I decided to get back to Wesley Snipes, fully clothed, killing silly vampires, fully clothed. Fellatio has it's place, but that place is nowhere near my television. Unless I was sitting on my television. Then it would be close, but still not part of, my television.
Uughh...